A lot of people carry around with them a lot of “baggage” or “clutter” in their minds.
When I say this I mean that they are still holding onto things that they say they should do but don’t, the person who they had a row with but both are not speaking to each other – but both want to, the coulds and shoulds in your life that hold you back – you need to let go, but you don’t.
These people carry around with them a lot of emotional attention that you could be doing without and focussing on something more productive instead!
Are you like this?
If you are, I bet it had a negative influence on your confidence and self esteem.
The approach
Take a look at your life and get rid of this baggage by asking yourself a series of questions and by completing the following exercise.
In effect, what we are doing is making certain tasks “complete”, drawing a line under them and moving on.
Another term for this is “psychological completion” or just “completion”
The following set of questions can be taken at one sitting or over a number of hours/days.
By writing the answers down they become more formal.
Get to it and watch your confidence soar!
1. Putting up with!
· Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at home
· Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at work
· Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with in any other area of your life
· Make an action plan to get rid of/communicate these things that you have been putting up with
2. Unfinished matters!
· Make a list of things that are unresolved/unfinished in your life
· Make an action plan of how to reduce this number!
· Do you need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!
· Did you ever say that you were going to call someone or keep in touch with someone yet have done nothing about it? If yes, call them or send an email to them today
· Let go of as many coulds, woulds, shoulds, maybe, oughts as you can. Write these down.
3. Your standards!
· Write down the standards that you have been saying to yourself that you should have; let go of these and write down a list of the standards that you are going to have in your life from this day forward.
· List 5 people who you admire the most. Identify their greatest qualities, behaviour and how they lead their life. What standards so they have? What standards could you raise starting today to be more like them?
· Respect that other’s standards will be different from your own. Think of 5 close colleagues or friends – what are their standards and how are they different to yours?
By completing these exercises you will be able to focus more on the here the now and the future.
You will now be able to let go of some of the things that have been taking up your valuable attention units – those things that knock your self esteem.
About The Author: Mark Edwards is a certified Success/ Life Coach who specializes in helping people achieve significant change in their lives. If you'd like to learn step by step how to become more successful in life or how to set yourself financially free please visit: The New You, Give Yourself A Life Makeover.
If you'd like to learn how to be successful in life and would like your own personal Life Coach to teach and guide you on how to be super successful click here.
Tuesday 27 November 2007
Sunday 18 November 2007
What Coaching really is.
Today I called a woman back who had inquired about coaching and she said: "Thanks for calling me back so quickly. It helps to keep the momentum going". And what coaching REALLY is became crystal clear to me!
Impulses for Change From time to time, we get impulses for change. It might be because we get inspired. We might see someone else with what we want.
A new possibility might occur to you. A flash of insight? A friend or colleague challenges you. Most often it's because something has gotten worse than we're willing to tolerate, and we say: "I've had enough!"
Whatever the reason, this impulse for change comes along at certainintervals in our life. However, we all know the impulse rarely lasts. Last week I had an impulse to exercise (again).
However, it's not particularly consistent, and doesn't always come at times when it's convenient for me to exercise.
You may have thought: "You know - my relationship really could be better. Surely this isn't as good as it gets?" And the next day the impulse is gone. Or "What would it take to double my profits? I'm really going to make some changes in this business when I get less busy". A few days later your focus is on something else.
OR, are you the kind of person who takes on new projects with gusto, to find out that a few weeks or months later it feels old hat, and you follow a familiar pattern of switching to something else?
So IMPULSES FOR CHANGE DO NOT LAST.
This is why we human beings do not make so many of the changes that are possible in our lives.
Without coaching - without a STRUCTURE - our natural tendency is to keep our patterns. Go to work. Make money. Keep the same relationships. Keep the same barriers. Want the same things to change.
But don't change them. Feel an impulse for change - lose the impulse for change. Staying the same is the natural outcome. But Do We Need to Change? No. But wouldn't it be wise? These impulses for change are the signals telling you what is next for you in life. They are your intuition letting you know that you are missing opportunities.
They are messages (sometimes subtle) about what you would ~really~ like to do in your life, what your business needs, the perfect job, who you should be with right now.
If I may get a little deep for just a moment - they are not only the signals that will help us achieve the goals we are striving for, but the signals that are telling us how to evolve as people.
If we ignore these impulses, we'll feel restless at a very deep level - knowing something is wrong, but not sure what. Not understanding this restlessness, we must seek ways to quieten it - TV, movies, alcohol, smoking, over-reading etc.
OK - I'm getting a little off track but I think you get my point. It's important that these impulses do not get left by the way side. You want the secret to achieving your goals and having an amazing life?
FIND A WAY TO HARNESS THESE IMPULSES.
The Coaching StructureAt it's simplest, coaching may be described as a structure. Coaching harnesses the energy for change; those impulses that last from a moment to a few weeks. If you feel an impulse to exercise more you may exercise once - until the next impulse.
But if you join a gym for a year and hire a personal trainer, you ~will~ be fit! In fact it would be very hard to avoid it havingset up this structure. Coaching is a similar structure, for any goal that's important to you. You make a commitment to your goals, and to working for a certain time frame with a coach. This is often 3 months or 6 months, usually with one or more review points to assess progress.
Normally once a week you have a conversation with your coach, and you commit to specific actions to move you forward. Within a coaching structure, your natural tendency is to pursue your goals and achieve them. It's ~hard~, in fact very hard to keep your patterns and your life the same when you focus so much consistent attention on what you really want, and make promises to a third party.
With a coach, the man who feels an impulse to change careers isn't still thinking about it in three months time. He's hired a coach, he's found a new career possibility which inspires him, he's got a new resume and ten interviews lined up.
With a coach, the woman who wants to organise her business so that she has time for herself isn't still complaining about it in six months time. She's hired a coach, created an empowering time allocation, set her boundaries, hired an assistant, looks obviously happier and is therefore attracting more clients.
So here's the key: Without a coach, the path of least resistance is to keep your life the same. Impulses for change often do not last long enough to act upon.
With a coach, the path of least resistance is to achieve your goals! Impulses for change are converted to momentum.
Summary
So would coaching be a smart investment for you right now? Are you the kind of person who could benefit?
You decide. I say it's for people who recognize that coaching is a powerful structure for harnessing your energy for change, and to help you move forward.
If you're content for the next five years to be similar to the last five years, then you don't need any input or help from anyone. However, aren't you curious to know what your life could be like in five years time if you harnessed your impulses for change, carried them through, and had fun while doing it?
If you'd like to find out more about having a life coach copy and paste this URL into your web browser:
http://www.mytruelifecoaching.com/
or you could simply call 07934 453930
With much warmth
Mark Edwards, Certified New Insights Life Coach
Living Your Dream Life Coaching
About The Author: Mark Edwards is a certified Success/ Life Coach who specializes in helping people achieve significant change in their lives. If you'd like to learn step by step how to become more successful in life or how to set yourself financially free please visit: The New You, Give Yourself A Life Makeover.
If you'd like to learn how to be successful in life and would like your own personal Life Coach to teach and guide you on how to be super successful click here.
P.S. Claim £473 in free bonuses as my gift to you when you reserve your free trial session today.
http://www.mytruelifecoaching.com/
Impulses for Change From time to time, we get impulses for change. It might be because we get inspired. We might see someone else with what we want.
A new possibility might occur to you. A flash of insight? A friend or colleague challenges you. Most often it's because something has gotten worse than we're willing to tolerate, and we say: "I've had enough!"
Whatever the reason, this impulse for change comes along at certainintervals in our life. However, we all know the impulse rarely lasts. Last week I had an impulse to exercise (again).
However, it's not particularly consistent, and doesn't always come at times when it's convenient for me to exercise.
You may have thought: "You know - my relationship really could be better. Surely this isn't as good as it gets?" And the next day the impulse is gone. Or "What would it take to double my profits? I'm really going to make some changes in this business when I get less busy". A few days later your focus is on something else.
OR, are you the kind of person who takes on new projects with gusto, to find out that a few weeks or months later it feels old hat, and you follow a familiar pattern of switching to something else?
So IMPULSES FOR CHANGE DO NOT LAST.
This is why we human beings do not make so many of the changes that are possible in our lives.
Without coaching - without a STRUCTURE - our natural tendency is to keep our patterns. Go to work. Make money. Keep the same relationships. Keep the same barriers. Want the same things to change.
But don't change them. Feel an impulse for change - lose the impulse for change. Staying the same is the natural outcome. But Do We Need to Change? No. But wouldn't it be wise? These impulses for change are the signals telling you what is next for you in life. They are your intuition letting you know that you are missing opportunities.
They are messages (sometimes subtle) about what you would ~really~ like to do in your life, what your business needs, the perfect job, who you should be with right now.
If I may get a little deep for just a moment - they are not only the signals that will help us achieve the goals we are striving for, but the signals that are telling us how to evolve as people.
If we ignore these impulses, we'll feel restless at a very deep level - knowing something is wrong, but not sure what. Not understanding this restlessness, we must seek ways to quieten it - TV, movies, alcohol, smoking, over-reading etc.
OK - I'm getting a little off track but I think you get my point. It's important that these impulses do not get left by the way side. You want the secret to achieving your goals and having an amazing life?
FIND A WAY TO HARNESS THESE IMPULSES.
The Coaching StructureAt it's simplest, coaching may be described as a structure. Coaching harnesses the energy for change; those impulses that last from a moment to a few weeks. If you feel an impulse to exercise more you may exercise once - until the next impulse.
But if you join a gym for a year and hire a personal trainer, you ~will~ be fit! In fact it would be very hard to avoid it havingset up this structure. Coaching is a similar structure, for any goal that's important to you. You make a commitment to your goals, and to working for a certain time frame with a coach. This is often 3 months or 6 months, usually with one or more review points to assess progress.
Normally once a week you have a conversation with your coach, and you commit to specific actions to move you forward. Within a coaching structure, your natural tendency is to pursue your goals and achieve them. It's ~hard~, in fact very hard to keep your patterns and your life the same when you focus so much consistent attention on what you really want, and make promises to a third party.
With a coach, the man who feels an impulse to change careers isn't still thinking about it in three months time. He's hired a coach, he's found a new career possibility which inspires him, he's got a new resume and ten interviews lined up.
With a coach, the woman who wants to organise her business so that she has time for herself isn't still complaining about it in six months time. She's hired a coach, created an empowering time allocation, set her boundaries, hired an assistant, looks obviously happier and is therefore attracting more clients.
So here's the key: Without a coach, the path of least resistance is to keep your life the same. Impulses for change often do not last long enough to act upon.
With a coach, the path of least resistance is to achieve your goals! Impulses for change are converted to momentum.
Summary
So would coaching be a smart investment for you right now? Are you the kind of person who could benefit?
You decide. I say it's for people who recognize that coaching is a powerful structure for harnessing your energy for change, and to help you move forward.
If you're content for the next five years to be similar to the last five years, then you don't need any input or help from anyone. However, aren't you curious to know what your life could be like in five years time if you harnessed your impulses for change, carried them through, and had fun while doing it?
If you'd like to find out more about having a life coach copy and paste this URL into your web browser:
http://www.mytruelifecoaching.com/
or you could simply call 07934 453930
With much warmth
Mark Edwards, Certified New Insights Life Coach
Living Your Dream Life Coaching
About The Author: Mark Edwards is a certified Success/ Life Coach who specializes in helping people achieve significant change in their lives. If you'd like to learn step by step how to become more successful in life or how to set yourself financially free please visit: The New You, Give Yourself A Life Makeover.
If you'd like to learn how to be successful in life and would like your own personal Life Coach to teach and guide you on how to be super successful click here.
P.S. Claim £473 in free bonuses as my gift to you when you reserve your free trial session today.
http://www.mytruelifecoaching.com/
Saturday 3 November 2007
How To Give Tough Messages And Still Be Liked
How to give “tough messages,” and still
be liked and respected
Providing feedback to staff is always tough, but if it’s “constructive,” you not only get the message across, but, build a more cohesive and capable team as a result.
Do you remember when your parents told you to eat your veggies because they were good for you?
Now that you’re an adult, you know they were right.
Well, just as they were right from the beginning, I’m asking you to trust me when I tell you this: constructive feedback is the only way to learn and develop—both personally and professionally.
That means, you as Manager, have a responsibility to your staff to help them develop. That means, you have to give constructive feedback.
What is constructive feedback?
First, I’ll tell you what it’s not.
Constructive feedback is not criticism (which has a negative connotation because it is so often generalized and personal).
Constructive feedback is a not personal (e.g. you are lazy), but a targeted response to an individual’s action or behavior (e.g. you did not accomplish the task you agreed to complete) that is intended to help them learn, and is delivered from a place of respect.
Constructive feedback is not “closed” but rather invites the individual receiving the feedback to shed light, share their perspective, or provide their response. (e.g. Do you see it differently?)
Constructive feedback does not blame, but presents a collaborative approach to problem-solving. (e.g. If we are all to go home tonight on time, task A needs to get done. What support can the team offer to finish task A, so that everyone gets to go home on time.)
Why constructive feedback works
Constructive feedback enables us to give honest, “tough messages” to those with whom we work.
However, instead of insulting, shutting-down others, or alienating those who receive the feedback, and thus lowering their morale and their resulting productivity, it motivates them to ask for help, and acknowledge a skill or competency deficiency, while feeling supported and respected.
Two of the most important factors influencing employee retention/satisfaction are: “great boss,” and “feeling part of a team” (Hay Group Study on retention). Constructive feedback, because it is delivered out of respect and a genuine desire for the individual to improve, accomplishes both.
Providing feedback, in this way, enables you to build the competency and cohesiveness of your team, while effectively managing performance issues. It also enables you to remain respected, well liked, and overall, considered “ a great boss.”
Principles of feedback
1. Choose correct timing for feedback
Praise is most effective when given as soon as possible after the behaviour has occurred. Immediate feedback will help to reinforce a correct behaviour and make it more likely to happen again.
When an incorrect behaviour is not corrected with feedback, the staff member may incorporate it into his or her customer of colleague interactions unknowingly. It is highly desirable, when possible, to give corrective feedback before the situation occurs again.
2. Ask for self assessment
Beginning by asking the person for self-assessment involves them in the feedback process.
It helps to promote an open atmosphere and dialogue between the person doing the coaching and the person being coached. Often the person is well aware of his or her won strengths and weaknesses.
It is more effective to allow the person to voice opinions before providing your own assessment of performance.
Through self-assessment, the person can gradually assume more responsibility for his or her own abilities and performance.
3. Focus on specifics
When you focus on a specific correct or incorrect behaviour, you remove the feedback from the sphere of personality differences and the other person will be more willing and able to change.
For example, when providing corrective feedback:
Do: “When you were talking to customer xyz, I noticed that you forgot to use her name”
Don’t: “You are not building rapport with the customer”
When providing praise:
Do: “When you spoke to customer xyz, I noticed that you used really good open and closed questioning techniques”
Don’t: “You communicated well there”
4. Limit feedback to a few important points
Good coaches and communicators identify one or two critical areas and help the person address them one at a time.
It is too hard to examine and try to change many aspects of behaviour at one time.
Restrict your feedback to one or two important points so that you do not overwhelm the other person with too many things to consider.
5. Provide more praise than corrective feedback
Positive reinforcement is one of the strongest factors in bringing about change.
Unfortunately a lot of people always focus on the negative.
When you give corrective feedback, remember to point out corrective behaviours first. This is as important as pointing out mistakes and areas that need improvement.
And always end the conversation on a positive.
6. Give praise for expected performance
People deserve to be praised for doing their job to the expected level. Too many people take the expected level for granted however.
Remember that praising anyone who meets established standards is as important as praising the exceptional performer.
Praise is a strong motivator, and enough praise may be what it takes to turn an average employee into an exceptional one.
7. Develop Action Plans
Work together to identify the desired performance or result and how it can be achieved.
Decide when the steps will be accomplished.
Useful techniques to use when giving feedback
Now that we have highlighted the main principles of giving feedback, lets look at some useful techniques we can use in feedback sessions:
Maintaining
Silence
Reflecting
Back
Open-ended
Questioning
Initiating action
& Offering ideas
Active
Listening
Being
Sensitive
Summarising
Gaining
OwnershipOpen-ended questioning
Use open-ended questions to allow and encourage the person to give more detail and elaborate.
Use words like:
What?
How?
Who?
Tell me?
Avoid closed questions when you are trying to get more information from someone.
Avoid words like:
Do you?
Did you?
Have you?
Also be careful when you use the word “Why”. The person may think that you are blaming them or being critical if you use it. They may think that you disagree with them if you use this word.
Reflecting Back
This is about putting what the other person has said into your own words and reflecting it back.
This is called paraphrasing and by doing this it shows that you are listening and more importantly that you are listening and understanding!
For example:
Individual – “I always seem to get the rough end of the stick - no-one listens to me at all……..”
You – “You seem concerned that no-one listens to you and that you seem to be getting a dumb deal”
Maintaining Silence
Encourage the person to take their time.
Always give the other person time to think through their reply to a challenging answer.
Do not feel uncomfortable about silences but do be wary that silence can make people feel very uncomfortable.
Maintain eye contact and demonstrate an interest.
Summarising
Summarise the output of the meeting and action plan to ensure that you have heard correctly and understood from his/her perspective.
Restate the key aspects of the feedback discussion
Conclude the discussion and focus on planning for the future.
Example: “The three major issues you raised were……”
“ To summarise then……”
Being Sensitive
Acting sensitive to the needs of the person is important as they may reject the feedback initially.
Give the person space to think in his/her time. This may help the person to absorb the feedback
Initiating Action and Offering Ideas
Example:
“Can you think of an action that would help build on your skills in this area?”
Offer ideas without forcing your personal opinion.
“One thing you might do is….”
“Have you thought about……..”
“Your options include………..”
“What can I do to help?”
Gaining Ownership
Help the person to integrate the feedback into their own experience and view of themselves.
Link the feedback as much as possible to business results and objectives – this will help increase ownership.
Any change in behaviour will only occur through acceptance and ownership of then feedback by that person.
* EXERCISE *
GIVING FEEDBACK
Pick a partner, and choose who is to be A and who is to be B.
A will be providing feedback on B’s performance.
You will both be given role-play sheets of what has been going on and the person you are to play.
After you have completed that, change roles and complete role-play 2.
What worked well?
What could have been done better?
What will you know for next time?
Receiving Feedback
As long as feedback is given in a non-judgmental and appropriate way, it is a valuable piece of information for learning and for our continued development as a person.
Constructive feedback is critical for self-development and growth; here are some points to bare in mind when you receive feedback.
1. Don’t shy away from constructive feedback, welcome it
2. Accept feedback of any sort for what it is – information
3. Evaluate the feedback before responding
4. Make your own choice about what you intend to do with the information
The feedback emotional rollercoaster
Whether you are giving or receiving feedback it is useful to bare in mind the following model when it comes to people who receive feedback.
D A W A
DENIAL
When people first receive feedback, they have a tendency to deny it. Please avoid immediate defensiveness – arguing, denying and justifying. This just gets in the way of your appreciation of the information you are being given.
ANGER
After the denial stage comes anger! So you’ve been told that your work is not as good as what it ought to be. You’ve said, “It’s as good as always” so you are denying it then you become angry as it stews in your mind and body. The immediate reaction is to fume!
WITHDRAWAL
After the anger has calmed down, the person has had time to reflect and ponder on the feedback. “Well, I have been making more mistakes then normal” This is when time is taken out to mull over the feedback and think about what it actually means.
ACCEPTANCE
The final part of this model is finally accepting the feedback, assessing its value and the consequences of ignoring it, or using it. “I HAVE been making mistakes”
About The Author: Mark Edwards is a certified Success/ Life Coach who specializes in helping people achieve significant change in their lives. If you'd like to learn step by step how to become more successful in life or how to set yourself financially free please visit: The New You, Give Yourself A Life Makeover.
If you'd like to learn how to be successful in life and would like your own personal Life Coach to teach and guide you on how to be super successful click here.
be liked and respected
Providing feedback to staff is always tough, but if it’s “constructive,” you not only get the message across, but, build a more cohesive and capable team as a result.
Do you remember when your parents told you to eat your veggies because they were good for you?
Now that you’re an adult, you know they were right.
Well, just as they were right from the beginning, I’m asking you to trust me when I tell you this: constructive feedback is the only way to learn and develop—both personally and professionally.
That means, you as Manager, have a responsibility to your staff to help them develop. That means, you have to give constructive feedback.
What is constructive feedback?
First, I’ll tell you what it’s not.
Constructive feedback is not criticism (which has a negative connotation because it is so often generalized and personal).
Constructive feedback is a not personal (e.g. you are lazy), but a targeted response to an individual’s action or behavior (e.g. you did not accomplish the task you agreed to complete) that is intended to help them learn, and is delivered from a place of respect.
Constructive feedback is not “closed” but rather invites the individual receiving the feedback to shed light, share their perspective, or provide their response. (e.g. Do you see it differently?)
Constructive feedback does not blame, but presents a collaborative approach to problem-solving. (e.g. If we are all to go home tonight on time, task A needs to get done. What support can the team offer to finish task A, so that everyone gets to go home on time.)
Why constructive feedback works
Constructive feedback enables us to give honest, “tough messages” to those with whom we work.
However, instead of insulting, shutting-down others, or alienating those who receive the feedback, and thus lowering their morale and their resulting productivity, it motivates them to ask for help, and acknowledge a skill or competency deficiency, while feeling supported and respected.
Two of the most important factors influencing employee retention/satisfaction are: “great boss,” and “feeling part of a team” (Hay Group Study on retention). Constructive feedback, because it is delivered out of respect and a genuine desire for the individual to improve, accomplishes both.
Providing feedback, in this way, enables you to build the competency and cohesiveness of your team, while effectively managing performance issues. It also enables you to remain respected, well liked, and overall, considered “ a great boss.”
Principles of feedback
1. Choose correct timing for feedback
Praise is most effective when given as soon as possible after the behaviour has occurred. Immediate feedback will help to reinforce a correct behaviour and make it more likely to happen again.
When an incorrect behaviour is not corrected with feedback, the staff member may incorporate it into his or her customer of colleague interactions unknowingly. It is highly desirable, when possible, to give corrective feedback before the situation occurs again.
2. Ask for self assessment
Beginning by asking the person for self-assessment involves them in the feedback process.
It helps to promote an open atmosphere and dialogue between the person doing the coaching and the person being coached. Often the person is well aware of his or her won strengths and weaknesses.
It is more effective to allow the person to voice opinions before providing your own assessment of performance.
Through self-assessment, the person can gradually assume more responsibility for his or her own abilities and performance.
3. Focus on specifics
When you focus on a specific correct or incorrect behaviour, you remove the feedback from the sphere of personality differences and the other person will be more willing and able to change.
For example, when providing corrective feedback:
Do: “When you were talking to customer xyz, I noticed that you forgot to use her name”
Don’t: “You are not building rapport with the customer”
When providing praise:
Do: “When you spoke to customer xyz, I noticed that you used really good open and closed questioning techniques”
Don’t: “You communicated well there”
4. Limit feedback to a few important points
Good coaches and communicators identify one or two critical areas and help the person address them one at a time.
It is too hard to examine and try to change many aspects of behaviour at one time.
Restrict your feedback to one or two important points so that you do not overwhelm the other person with too many things to consider.
5. Provide more praise than corrective feedback
Positive reinforcement is one of the strongest factors in bringing about change.
Unfortunately a lot of people always focus on the negative.
When you give corrective feedback, remember to point out corrective behaviours first. This is as important as pointing out mistakes and areas that need improvement.
And always end the conversation on a positive.
6. Give praise for expected performance
People deserve to be praised for doing their job to the expected level. Too many people take the expected level for granted however.
Remember that praising anyone who meets established standards is as important as praising the exceptional performer.
Praise is a strong motivator, and enough praise may be what it takes to turn an average employee into an exceptional one.
7. Develop Action Plans
Work together to identify the desired performance or result and how it can be achieved.
Decide when the steps will be accomplished.
Useful techniques to use when giving feedback
Now that we have highlighted the main principles of giving feedback, lets look at some useful techniques we can use in feedback sessions:
Maintaining
Silence
Reflecting
Back
Open-ended
Questioning
Initiating action
& Offering ideas
Active
Listening
Being
Sensitive
Summarising
Gaining
OwnershipOpen-ended questioning
Use open-ended questions to allow and encourage the person to give more detail and elaborate.
Use words like:
What?
How?
Who?
Tell me?
Avoid closed questions when you are trying to get more information from someone.
Avoid words like:
Do you?
Did you?
Have you?
Also be careful when you use the word “Why”. The person may think that you are blaming them or being critical if you use it. They may think that you disagree with them if you use this word.
Reflecting Back
This is about putting what the other person has said into your own words and reflecting it back.
This is called paraphrasing and by doing this it shows that you are listening and more importantly that you are listening and understanding!
For example:
Individual – “I always seem to get the rough end of the stick - no-one listens to me at all……..”
You – “You seem concerned that no-one listens to you and that you seem to be getting a dumb deal”
Maintaining Silence
Encourage the person to take their time.
Always give the other person time to think through their reply to a challenging answer.
Do not feel uncomfortable about silences but do be wary that silence can make people feel very uncomfortable.
Maintain eye contact and demonstrate an interest.
Summarising
Summarise the output of the meeting and action plan to ensure that you have heard correctly and understood from his/her perspective.
Restate the key aspects of the feedback discussion
Conclude the discussion and focus on planning for the future.
Example: “The three major issues you raised were……”
“ To summarise then……”
Being Sensitive
Acting sensitive to the needs of the person is important as they may reject the feedback initially.
Give the person space to think in his/her time. This may help the person to absorb the feedback
Initiating Action and Offering Ideas
Example:
“Can you think of an action that would help build on your skills in this area?”
Offer ideas without forcing your personal opinion.
“One thing you might do is….”
“Have you thought about……..”
“Your options include………..”
“What can I do to help?”
Gaining Ownership
Help the person to integrate the feedback into their own experience and view of themselves.
Link the feedback as much as possible to business results and objectives – this will help increase ownership.
Any change in behaviour will only occur through acceptance and ownership of then feedback by that person.
* EXERCISE *
GIVING FEEDBACK
Pick a partner, and choose who is to be A and who is to be B.
A will be providing feedback on B’s performance.
You will both be given role-play sheets of what has been going on and the person you are to play.
After you have completed that, change roles and complete role-play 2.
What worked well?
What could have been done better?
What will you know for next time?
Receiving Feedback
As long as feedback is given in a non-judgmental and appropriate way, it is a valuable piece of information for learning and for our continued development as a person.
Constructive feedback is critical for self-development and growth; here are some points to bare in mind when you receive feedback.
1. Don’t shy away from constructive feedback, welcome it
2. Accept feedback of any sort for what it is – information
3. Evaluate the feedback before responding
4. Make your own choice about what you intend to do with the information
The feedback emotional rollercoaster
Whether you are giving or receiving feedback it is useful to bare in mind the following model when it comes to people who receive feedback.
D A W A
DENIAL
When people first receive feedback, they have a tendency to deny it. Please avoid immediate defensiveness – arguing, denying and justifying. This just gets in the way of your appreciation of the information you are being given.
ANGER
After the denial stage comes anger! So you’ve been told that your work is not as good as what it ought to be. You’ve said, “It’s as good as always” so you are denying it then you become angry as it stews in your mind and body. The immediate reaction is to fume!
WITHDRAWAL
After the anger has calmed down, the person has had time to reflect and ponder on the feedback. “Well, I have been making more mistakes then normal” This is when time is taken out to mull over the feedback and think about what it actually means.
ACCEPTANCE
The final part of this model is finally accepting the feedback, assessing its value and the consequences of ignoring it, or using it. “I HAVE been making mistakes”
About The Author: Mark Edwards is a certified Success/ Life Coach who specializes in helping people achieve significant change in their lives. If you'd like to learn step by step how to become more successful in life or how to set yourself financially free please visit: The New You, Give Yourself A Life Makeover.
If you'd like to learn how to be successful in life and would like your own personal Life Coach to teach and guide you on how to be super successful click here.
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